Peer pressure is commonly thought of in a negative light, but in reality, it’s not always a bad thing. Sometimes peer pressure is used to positively influence people, such as when teens work toward common goals such as doing well in school or helping out in their community. Learning about acceptable group norms can be a positive part of learning how to live with and socialize with other people. The way your child (or you, for that matter) responds to peer pressure can indicate who they are as an individual. Natural leaders tend to be less susceptible to bad forms of peer pressure, while followers may have a harder time resisting it.
Signs of Peer Pressure
Peer pressure can range from subtle to overt, which means that some forms of peer pressure can be easier to spot than others. Being able to identify signs that your child is dealing with peer pressure may help you start a supportive conversation. Some signs that your child may be experiencing peer pressure include:
Avoiding school or other social situationsBeing very image-consciousChanges in behaviorExpressing feeling like they don’t fit inLow moodsMaking social comparisonsTrouble sleepingTrying out new hair or clothing styles
Types of Peer Pressure
Most kids have a strong desire to fit in and are especially sensitive to being picked on, made fun of, or ostracized. Consequently, they’re often eager to do the things their peers tell them to do. Research has drawn attention to the significant role of peers in influencing prosocial behaviors. When peers endorse positive and altruistic behavior, young people are more likely to engage in those behaviors, even when their peers are not watching.
Positive Peer Pressure
Positive peer pressure is when someone’s peers encourage them to do something positive or push them to grow in a beneficial way. Here are a few examples of positive peer pressure:
Pushing a friend to study harder so they can get better grades Getting an after-school job and convincing friends to get a job too Saving money for a big purchase like a car and encouraging friends to do the same Disapproving of bigoted jokes or gossiping Discouraging illegal or risky behavior, like under-age drinking or smoking
Negative Peer Pressure
Negative peer pressure, on the other hand, involves pressure to do something dangerous or damaging to themselves or others. Here some examples of negative peer pressure:
Convincing a friend to skip school Encouraging a peer to fight or bully someone Getting friends to engage in sexting Pressuring a friend to drink or try drugs Pushing someone to buy e-cigarettes online
Impact of Peer Pressure
As your child grows older, their peers will play a bigger role in their life. Friends can influence everything from what kind of music kids listen to and what their hobbies are to what they wear, how they spend their time, and how they talk. Mental health concerns and gender socialization may influence how receptive a young person is to peer pressure. Additionally, peer pressure can play a role in bullying. For example, research indicates that adolescent boys are more susceptible to pressure for risk-taking behaviors. However, both boys and girls are also receptive to peer pressure across a huge spectrum of behaviors and beliefs, such as what to wear, how to act, and what behavior is acceptable. However, it’s important to remember that peer pressure can have both negative and positive impacts.
Benefits
Some of the potential benefits of peer pressure include the following:
Advice: Friends can be a great support as kids try out new things, explore new ideas, or need someone to help them work through a challenging problem.Encouragement: Peers can push each other to do new things, like trying out for the soccer team or the school play. Friendship and support: Feeling supported by someone who accepts us for who we are can boost self-esteem.Gaining new experiences: Sometimes we need a little shove to do something we really want to do but don’t quite have the courage.Modeling good examples: Friends help each other be better people when they frown upon negative behaviors like gossiping or insensitive jokes and instead encourage positive behaviors. Practicing socialization: Learning about different social norms helps us know how to adapt to different situations and decide which groups we want to spend time with and which ones we don’t.
Drawbacks
Possible negative aspects of peer pressure include the following:
Anxiety and depression: Being around people who pressure us to do things we aren’t comfortable with can make us feel anxious and depressed.Arguments or distance from family and friends: Negative peer pressure tends to make us feel bad about ourselves, and this can cause us to withdraw from people we care about.Distractions from academics: Peer pressure can sometimes cause us to move our focus from our priorities because we’re engaged in things we wouldn’t normally do or distracted by thoughts about peer pressure.Pressure to engage in risky behavior: Friends may pressure each other to do things like drink, try illicit drugs, engage in unsafe sexual activity, or drive recklessly. Problems with self-esteem and self-confidence: Constantly feeling pressure to do things that go against our values can make us feel bad about ourselves.Sudden changes in behavior: Trying to conform to a peer’s norms might prompt a person start acting and looking like someone else. Unhappiness with appearance: If our peers are fixating on appearance, we may feel inadequate and want to change how we look in order to fit in.
Tips for Coping With Peer Pressure
It’s important to prepare for dealing with peer pressure. Being able to spot signs of peer pressure will allow you to intervene when you recognize that your child or someone you care about is headed down an unhealthy road. Some strategies that may be useful for helping someone cope with peer pressure might include:
Plan ahead: Have them think about the things they might be pressured to do that they don’t want to. Plan ahead for ways to deal with the pressure. Ask them to think of how they might leave a situation if it becomes uncomfortable. Identify a support person that they could call. Give an excuse: Have them develop a canned excuse for why they can’t participate in something they don’t want to do. For example, some families have an arrangement where if kids text their parents a certain pre-planned word or phrase, the parent will call to say something has come up and they need to come home. Build friendships with the right people: People who share your child’s values are less likely to be the people who will bully them into doing things they don’t want to do. Rely on trusted adults: Help your child identify which adults in their life are safe and accessible for when they need to talk or when they need help getting out of a tricky situation.
A Word From Verywell
While peer pressure can be difficult, it isn’t always a bad thing. Positive peer pressure can be a valuable part of learning how to socialize and even growing as a person. The type of peer pressure your child is experiencing depends on the peer group they socialize with as well as the larger social groups they interact with, both in person and online. If you suspect that your kids are struggling with negative peer pressure, encourage them to talk to you. Sometimes kids don’t want to talk to their parents about peer pressure. If that’s the case, don’t take it personally. Encourage them to talk about it with another trusted adult, like a teacher, a school counselor, a doctor, or a therapist.
