Plus, many people find that experiencing a miscarriage at any stage of pregnancy can lead to a range of emotions. If you have recently experienced a miscarriage you may feel angry, sad, hopeless, and so much more. Everyone processes the grief that follows a miscarriage differently. No matter what you are feeling, though, your feelings are valid and deserve to be acknowledged. But can you experience postpartum depression after a miscarriage? Here is what you need to know about grief after a miscarriage, including the risk of depression. You will also find tips on how to find support.
Grieving After a Miscarriage
It is normal to feel grief, even intense grief, after a miscarriage—no matter how early in your pregnancy the miscarriage occurs. Your grief may be particularly hard to navigate if you are many weeks into the pregnancy have already felt your baby move or told people about your pregnancy. Even if you are just a few weeks along when you miscarry, you can struggle with intense grief at times. In fact, researchers have not identified a connection between the length of gestation and the intensity of a person’s grief. Many people get attached to their babies as soon as they find out they are pregnant, so even an early miscarriage can feel like a significant loss. If you suddenly lose a pregnancy, you don’t just lose the fetus—you also lose an entire future that you may have imagined. What’s more, if you have not told anyone you are pregnant, you may feel particularly alone and like you have to grieve silently. Remember, too, that you will feel a wide range of emotions. In addition to sadness, you may feel angry, shocked, and even numb. Allow yourself to experience your feelings and acknowledge how you are feeling. To further complicate things, many people do not understand miscarriage grief—especially if they have never experienced a miscarriage of their own. They expect may you to simply move on without processing what just happened. For this reason, it is important that you surround yourself with supportive people who will be there for you, offer a shoulder to cry on, and listen when you need to talk.
Miscarriage and Clinical Depression
Research shows that having a miscarriage puts you at risk for depression and anxiety symptoms not only right after the miscarriage but in the years to come as well. Even after having a healthy child, people who have had a miscarriage have a higher risk of postpartum depression. Studies also suggest that when depression occurs after a miscarriage, it may last for 1 to 3 years.
DenialAngerBargainingDepressionAcceptance
Allow yourself to move through each stage, as this process helps you begin to heal. Also, be patient with yourself. Everyone processes their grief differently. However, if you feel stuck or are having trouble getting through your day-to-day activities, reach out to a mental health professional or a healthcare provider. Plus, it’s not an uncommon experience. Nearly 20% of women who experience early pregnancy loss experience symptoms of depression and/or anxiety. The key to distinguishing between the two is to look at how your feelings are impacting your life. Both grief and depression have nearly identical symptoms. But, if your feelings are interfering with your ability to go about your daily routines for more than a few weeks after your miscarriage, or if they appear to get worse instead of better, there is a chance you are depressed. It is a good idea to talk to a healthcare provider to see if you might benefit from treatment for depression. What is most important is that you seek help if you are feeling down. Even if you are not diagnosed with depression, it can help to talk to someone about your feelings.
Treating Your Depression
You and a healthcare provider can decide together whether the best intervention for your depression is medication (such as anti-depressant drugs), cognitive behavioral therapy (talk therapy), or a combination of the two.
Having a persistent low moodExperiencing feelings of hopelessnessDisplaying irritability or angerWrestling with feelings of guilt or worthlessnessHaving difficulty concentrating or making decisionsForgetting things or struggling to remember thingsDisplaying changes in sleep habits (such as sleeping more or less)Experiencing changes in appetite or weightLosing interest in favorite activitiesExperiencing unexplained aches and painsLacking energy or experiencing fatigueFeeling like you are moving in slow motionExperiencing restlessness or having trouble sitting stillThinking about suicide, making suicide attempts, or engaging in self-harm
It is important to note that not everyone will experience all of these symptoms. Even if you just experience two or three on this list, you should talk to a healthcare provider about your feelings. The right answer will likely depend on what symptoms you have, how intense and frequent they are, and how long you’ve been feeling this way. Your healthcare provider will also want to know how your symptoms are affecting your everyday life and what other medications you may already be taking. If you are actively trying to get pregnant, discuss your goals with a healthcare provider as well, because this fact may affect medications you are prescribed. However, don’t assume that you can’t take an antidepressant when trying to conceive. In some cases, taking a medication for depression is a good idea, even when trying to get pregnant.
Finding Support
Talking to family members and friends after a miscarriage can be a challenge—especially if they have not experienced a miscarriage themselves. You’re likely to receive platitudes about miscarriage, such as “at least you’re young and can get pregnant again,” or worse yet, “at least you didn’t get to know the baby.” Rather than being helpful as these comments are often intended, they can be hurtful, leaving you even more alone with your feelings. For more mental health resources, see our National Helpline Database. Many people find it helpful to seek out those among their family and friends—or even people online—who have experienced a miscarriage. While there is nothing anyone can say to take away the hurt and pain, it can make you feel less alone to know that someone else has experienced at least a few of the feelings you are now coping with. They also may be able to share what worked for them and simply lend a supportive ear to listen. The important thing is that you are finding support for what you are going through. Overall, research indicates that you should have an organized plan for coping with and healing from your miscarriage. This includes care for your physical and mental health as well as a solid support network. When these things are in place, you can feel informed, cared for, and supported.
A Word From Verywell
Grieving after a miscarriage is a complicated process and involves a wide range of emotions. One day you may feel sad, the next you may be angry and irritable. The key is to be patient with yourself and allow yourself to experience your feelings. As time passes, your grief should become more tolerable—even though you will likely always mourn your loss in some way. If you are struggling to process your loss or if your feelings of sadness and hopelessness are getting worse instead of better, talk to a healthcare provider or mental health professional. They can evaluate you for depression and offer some treatment options if needed. At the very least, it can help to talk to someone who understands what you are experiencing.
