But believe it or not, kids’ fighting isn’t all bad, as long as it’s not physical fights or bullying. It’s just that learning that stuff takes a really long time. Read on for tips on how to be part of the peace process in your kids’ war of words. But if fighting escalates, parents may need to step in. If you must intervene, make it quick and decisive. Find a compromise or separate kids, either by the command (“Everyone to your rooms.”) or by cajoling (“Suzy, come play in my room.”). Do not get sucked into the debate. Leave the discussion of the issues behind the fight for another time when tempers are cooler. In the heat of a fight, no one is listening. Whatever you, as a parent, say kids are likely to think you’re siding with someone else. Wait until heads are cooler, then remind kids of (or set) ground rules. Emphasize kindness and coach kids on compromise. Being consistent with this proactive approach will reduce kids’ fights in the long run. If you work at home, kids may catch on to the fact that a big blow out will likely get you out of your office. Don’t come running at the first sign of trouble. Give them the chance to work it out first. And while TV can keep kids busy, too much TV can actually cause more fighting because it’s so often the object kids fight over but also because it’s not an active kind of play. Also think about the types of things they fight over: toys, TV, computer, privileges like sitting in a favorite chair or having a friend over. Work out equitable rules for these things. But remember that rules won’t make everything exactly even, When kids get the idea that that’s how it should always be, they find it harder to accept situations they perceive as unfair, and more fighting ensues.
