Whether you get no reply when you tell your child it’s time to come inside, or your child acts like they don’t hear you when you tell them to pick up their toys, here are seven steps you should take when your child ignores you. Before you give your child instructions, get rid of all distractions. Turn off the TV, call their name, and establish eye contact. You might even need to put a hand on their shoulder. Then, give your child clear directions that outline what you want them to do. Offer clarification or ask if they have any questions. If your child can repeat back to you what they’re supposed to do, you’ll know your expectations are clear. Give your child a when…then warning. Say something like, “When you go upstairs and start cleaning your room, then you will be able to play on the computer tonight.” Use the same approach even if your child doesn’t ignore you completely. If your child says something like, “I know!” or “I’ll do it in a minute,” give them a warning—but allow some room for flexibility here as well. After all, sometimes it’s worth allowing your child to politely advocate for themselves if they are in the middle of another task. A great way to reduce conflict and increase adherence is to provide limited choices. This provides your child with opportunities for increased responsibility and a sense of personal control: “You can choose to clean up your room before or after dinner—your choice.” If a privilege is lost, be sure that your child understands the loss is not something you chose to do. Emphasize that they can make a different choice and change the outcomes. Make sure you follow through on your warning. If you aren’t prepared to go through with the consequence you’ve laid out (such as taking away a privilege) find something that you can go through with. For some children, receiving praise and positive attention is enough motivation for them to keep up the good work. If you point out to your child, “Great job shutting the TV off right when I asked you to,” they might be more motivated to do it again. Other kids need a bigger incentive to follow directions. Consider a reward system or a token economy system to motivate your child to be more compliant.
Could your child have a hearing problem? Get your child’s hearing checked if they seem to have trouble hearing you or understanding your directions. Does your child have trouble paying attention? If your child is very focused on what they’re doing and they don’t hear you, or if they can’t focus long enough to follow through with what you’ve said, they might have a condition such as ADHD. Does your child have a cognitive condition? Developmental problems or cognitive impairments can make it difficult for a child to process information and take action in a short amount of time.
Reserve your instructions for the most important issues you want to address. Stick to a single warning—repeat warnings will teach your child that they don’t have to listen the first time you speak.
