Self-discipline helps kids delay gratification, resist unhealthy temptations, and tolerate the discomfort needed to reach their long-term goals. From choosing to turn off the video game to work on homework, to resisting an extra cookie when Mom isn’t looking, self-discipline is the key to helping kids become responsible adults. A good morning routine helps kids know when it’s time to eat breakfast, comb their hair, brush their teeth, and get dressed. A good after-school routine teaches kids how to divide their time between chores, homework, and fun activities. And a consistent bedtime routine will help kids settle down and fall asleep faster. Say, “It’s a good choice to do your homework first and then have free time later, as a reward for getting your work done.” This helps your child to understand the underlying reasons for your rules. Instead of saying, “My mom said I have to do this,” your child will understand the rules serve a purpose. Of course, you don’t want to launch into lengthy lectures that will bore your child. But a quick explanation about why you think certain choices are important can help your child understand choices better. At other times, kids need logical consequences. A child who plays too rough with their mother’s computer might learn to be gentler when they lose computer privileges. Or a child who has trouble getting up in the morning may need an earlier bedtime that night. It’s important to avoid power struggles. Trying to force your child to do something won’t teach self-discipline. Say, “When you pick up your toys, you’ll have more time to play outside.” Follow through with a consequence if they don’t pick up, but don’t yell or try to force them into compliance. Keep in mind that kids need to learn how to make healthy decisions on their own, by examining the potential consequences of their behavior. Instead of expecting a 6-year-old to suddenly be able to do their entire morning routine without any reminders, use a picture chart on the wall that depicts combing hair, brushing teeth, and getting dressed. You can even take pictures of your child doing these activities and create your own chart. When necessary, provide reminders to your child to look at the chart until they are able to look at the chart and do each task on his own. Eventually, they will need fewer reminders and won’t require the chart at all. Any time your child is learning a new skill or gaining more independence, help them do so one small step at a time. Provide praise when kids do things without requiring reminders. Say, “Great job sitting down to do your homework before I even told you to!” or “I’m so proud that you chose to clean your room today all on your own.” Even saying, “Great job putting your dish in the sink when you were done eating,” can encourage a repeat performance. There may be a fairly simple solution to a behavior problem. A child who struggles to get dressed in time for school may benefit from having their outfit picked out the night before. Setting a timer for five minutes might also keep them on task. More complex problems may require a series of trial and error type interventions. A teenager who isn’t getting their homework done may need several changes before they become more motivated to get their work done on their own. Try removing a privilege. If that doesn’t work, try having them stay after school to see if they can get their work done before they come home. Keep trying different solutions until you can find something that works while keeping your child involved in the process. Pay attention to areas where you might struggle with discipline. Perhaps you spend too much money or lose your temper when you’re angry. Work on those areas and make it clear to your child that you seek to do better. Keep in mind that there are plenty of rewards that don’t cost money. Use extra privileges, like electronics time, to motivate your child to become more responsible.
